Friday, September 19, 2014

Silent Summer

Oh the things I planned to write this summer. I cut my workload in May and had several weeks where I had no obligations to anyone. Finally, my work would take precedence.

And then (the day after one of my work contracts ended, in fact) I found a tiny lump in my breast.

Since then I have had surgery and three rounds of chemotherapy (as well as a collapsed lung from my chemo port insertion that went awry). I note this to explain where the time went--but cancer is nothing that I really want to write about. Perhaps some people can find inspiration in their hospital bed, or in the chemo ward. I can't, at least not right now.

For me, it's all been one big time and energy suck. I get through the day and go on to the next. I sleep, I go to appointments, I take short walks. I try not to think about feeling nauseated.

My reluctance to write any more about this comes mostly from not wanting to re-experience any of it. I just want to get through it and be done with it. And I don't want to identify myself particularly as a cancer patient, not here at least.

This is supposed to be a blog about creativity, but I don't feel very creative right now.

I wanted some kind of ending for this post, some summation or slight epiphany. I am exhausted from writing these few words. My necessary nap will have to be an ending for now.

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